Wednesday, March 27, 2013

i just gotta write...

so i'm gonna start writing again. i have hesitated for lots of reasons...

1) there are so many stinkin awesome blogs out there (i've mentioned this previously) that it seems almost silly to add more to the mix. but i feel this has to be more for me than for anyone else. i can't really stop to consider who may be reading this or who may get their feelings hurt by something i say. i just need to pray over it and get it out on paper. (or screen. whatever.)

2) i am the worst decision maker EVERRRRRRRR. i can't decide on what to write, so i don't. but i need to. so i'll try. :)

3) i used to journal all the time when i was younger. the other day my girls found my journal from my freshman year in high school and it was so fun to read through (and scary. i was SUCH a dork.)

3b) (continued) i want to leave a legacy of words for my children. i feel this is how i best make myself known. i'm not great at communicating verbally but feel like writing gives me the space to breathe (and delete...) so i can piece things together adequately. and even when it's not... that's ok, too.

and for some reason i feel like i have to explain myself and my absence before i just start putting things out there again. someday i'll feel free to share them all with you but let's just say, due to some circumstances in my recent past, i've grown increasingly insecure with people and making myself vulnerable to them (you). it's not your fault.

(or maybe it is. but i won't name any names... relax.) lol

it kinda sounds ridiculous but i feel like there are just some things God wants me to say. and it looks and sounds SO foolish because i know me (and a lot of you know me) and it just sounds incredibly prideful and narcissistic to verbalize it. but i'm going to obey, risking admonition and ridicule, and put it out there anyway.

so while i ponder and pray on what to chat about first (mommyhood, anxiety, marriage, politics, food, insecurity, just to name a few topics...) will you pray for me? and i will, in turn, for you.

by the way, isn't community awesome? just a glimmer of what will be when He returns to make all things new. i'm so ready for that.

love y'all~


1 comment: