i have to be honest with you. i'm a little freaked out.
there is always such massive risk involved with transparency of soul and this is about as bare as you can get. i am convinced that God has placed a longing in my heart to encourage and love on fellow mama friends and this is the next big step towards accomplishing that. part of me thinks "oh come on. who are YOU? you have no expertise, no clinical background, nothing upon which to base your knowledge..." and yet i feel confident. peaceful. passionate. i can hear that voice in the depths of my soul that reminds me that it is NOT me who could propose so lofty an idea but the LORD who has placed this desire in my heart (psalm 37:4) that He has started me on a journey and He will be faithful to complete it. motherhood, for me, has been the greatest challenge of my life and, by far, it's greatest reward. it has shed light on hidden aspects of my life that i didn't even know existed prior to that early morning in april 2000. it has shaped me and broken me, pruned me and cultivated me, caused me to fall face first on the floor and lifted me up again with a gaze ever higher... and it continues to do so. every day. am i anywhere near where i want to be? heavens no. but am i light years ahead of where i was? thank God, yes.
i was not at all prepared for the onslaught of hormones and biochemical changes that ravaged my body and my mind following the births of my 2 precious children. i literally scoffed at the idea of "postpartum depression" claiming i was SAVED, i was HAPPY, i would NOT be affected by those offending emotions. (this may be where i throw in a hearty "LOL" because i literally laughed out loud just then.) but oh, was i wrong. and yet, in retrospect, i would not change a moment of the sadness, hopelessness, or desperation because it is in the depths of the refiner's fire where we are truly purified... it ain't pretty. and it ain't fun. but it's WORTH IT. it is a part of my tapestry, the story He is writing on my life, and, thank God, i am no where near done. on this day, when life is easy and troubles scarce, i will thank Him for all that He has done and given and on that day, when hope is fading and my heart is weak, i will thank Him through the tears knowing that He NEVER CHANGES though my emotions may dictate otherwise. i will be sharing more of my story in the posts to come and look forward to hearing yours. that we are not alone provides such comfort for me. i am praying for this little snippet on the worldwide web, that God would use it to encourage just one. or two would be nice. :)
my hope and my prayer for this blog is for it to be a place of comfort and grace. where moms can leave their worries and concerns and can gain a fresh perspective. fresh mercies. grace for the journey. i am honored to be traveling with you, my friend. let's make every effort to love each other down the road and share each others burdens and joys along the way.