what's up ladies :) can i please apologize for not getting anything on the blog lately? i should have made a disclaimer at the beginning of this endeavor that this wasn't gonna be one of those blogs that you follow on a daily basis. i'm not that motivated. :) it's about 63% procrastination, 17% laziness, 8% pseudo-perfectionism (if it ain't perfect, it ain't getting done), 5% busy-ness, and 7% forgetfulness. :) so as long as we're all clear that this isn't one of those well-maintained, perfectly polished blogs then we can all carry on and be comfortable with who we are. lol :)
honestly, today is one of those days where you wake up and your hormones are already dictating your agenda. i had a fabulous, FABULOUS, day yesterday with my sweet hubby. listen girls, don't get me wrong, there are ABSOLUTELY days (weeks, even) where we get on each others' ever-lovin last nerve. but i can say, without hesitation, that the man that God sent into my life 1 month after my 22nd birthday is without a DOUBT my soulmate and my best friend. all that to say, i still woke up this morning feeling like dung. not necessarily physically or spiritually but just worn out before the day even started (does ANYONE know what i'm talking about here?) i snapped at my kids a couple times and started fixating on all the things that haven't been done, need to get done, lack of time, lack of funds, and on and on... i got on the scale and that didn't help ONE BIT. i've started exercising more regularly and i LOVE it but it sure would be nice to see some results. i am making every attempt at placing my love for God over my love of food but it's hard cause i love them both SO MUCH :) i should also mention that over the past couple weeks i have been weaning myself off of my antidepressants and this definitely may have a role in the situation. not to mention it's PMS week and that, in and of itself, is enough to swiftly drive everything downhill FAST. :/ so today has been kind of the perfect storm and yet, i'm okay. i took my daughter to the allergist this morning and had a great conversation with her about hormones and boys and standing out from her friends and being different. i wandered around walgreens while waiting for her prescription and walked down the candy aisle unscathed. and then i narrowly, but successfully!, avoided the mcdonald's drive-thru in an attempt to make it all feel better :) i've taken several deep breaths and offered up more than a few prayers on my behalf. and through it all, i've been reminded again at how gradually, yet surely, God can change a heart. that personal growth is a process and a slow one at that. that i can have these bad days, admit them freely, and MOVE ON. i'm feeling better already and it's not even noon yet. :) this to me, is a GREAT sign. i've oftentimes started the day with a crummy mood and then followed it all the way into a deep, dark funk. you know the funk. she ain't pretty. :/ so let me encourage you friends - if you're feeling a little "funky" today, that's ok. your feelings and emotions are completely valid and you are NOT a bad mom. :) allow yourself to submit to the refining process knowing that there is a greater good at work here.
tomorrow (or the next day if we're really being honest here. lol) i want to get into the whole antidepressant discussion - again, i am no medical expert, i can only give you my story and what i feel God has impressed upon my heart for MY situation and, in doing so, pray that it will encourage you to seek out His good and perfect will for your life as well.
"and i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have POWER, together with all the saints, to grasp how WIDE and LONG and HIGH and DEEP is the love of Christ, and to KNOW this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be FILLED to the measure of ALL the fullness of God."
ephesians 3:17-19 (emphasis mine)
my, how i wish i could give each of you a big squeezy hug right now (selfishly cause i need a lot of squeezy hugs today. lol) but mostly because i love each of you, some sight unseen, with a deep and genuine affection through our bond of mommyhood, womanhood, and sisterhood :) have a beautiful, blessed day sweet girls.
hugs (big squeezy ones!)
p.s. for those of you who added up the percentages at the beginning of this post to make sure they totaled 100% i love you most! LOL! :)